Well, one of the reasons I joined weight watchers was because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. I LOVED food. I loved everything about how good it felt to bite into that delicious bit of something you've been craving (like anything with the name "Reese's" on it, especially those yummy little Christmas trees...mmmm....). I loved the smells, tastes and textures of food.
While I loved food, I was not in control of it; food controlled me in a very significant way. I was always thinking about food (Taco Bell). I would obsess over certain foods (double decker taco supreme) and if I didn't get what I wanted (nacho cheese chalupa), I would fall apart (throw a fit like a toddler). If I had the opportunity to eat something that I loved, eating just a little of it and REALLY enjoying it was not an option. I would often get stuck in a food-guilt catch-22: I would realize I was overeating, but then I would feel bad, so I'd eat some more. I had a lot of "trigger foods", or foods that once I ate them, I couldn't stop, like pasta and bread, anything cheesy, fried or fattening, candy, chocolate, peanut butter, chocolate AND peanut butter...you get the idea. In fact, I think most of what I ate were "trigger foods", which made almost all of my food habits unhealthy. Looking back, I ate a lot of empty calories, so I barely ever felt full or satisfied (physically or emotionally) by what I was eating.
I ate through every emotion...sadness, loneliness, anger, happiness. You name it, I would eat because of it. I came to a point, right before I joined weight watchers that I wasn't even really enjoying my food anymore because I felt so out of control and so bad about how much I would eat. I didn't want to have a complicated, love/hate relationship with food anymore. It was so draining, and I was tired of it.
A big part of what I have learned through weight watchers is how to still enjoy food without overdoing it. Still eating my favorite foods, but planning to balance those times out with healthy foods and exercise has been really life changing. My life had no balance before weight watchers. Learning this balance, although a very difficult change, has been empowering. I learned, through using the points and pointplus system how to balance out the good foods and the foods that are indulgences. I still slip up...like, all the time, but I am continuing to learn and trying not to be so hard on myself for my mistakes. I know now that if someone suggests we order Chinese food, I just have to say, "I'm sorry, I really try not to eat Chinese food (because I will end up face down in a bucket of sweet and sour chicken)." I try to always be ready with a list of suggestions of where to eat/what to eat that will be helpful to me. Asking for help and learning to control my environment have been two important elements I have learned from weight watchers.
Jillian Michaels said, "Old habits die hard...but they do die." I am still working out my old habits and working in new ones. When I feel discouraged, Ryan often reminds me to look back one year and think about how much I have improved and changed. I think food will always be a struggle, but I am looking forward to rebuilding a healthier relationship with it, one choice at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment